July 2011- A divided heart

dividedLed by the Spirit: A Heart Divided

Do I trust God with my marriage, my family, my health, my ministry, my finances? In my humanity, I struggle with trusting God when faced with overwhelming and painful circumstances. This is when I stop trusting and start trying to make things happen myself. For example, when God was teaching me in this ministry, there was one year with no bookings resulting in a financial shortfall. I began to question God's call in my life, knowing that the greatest desire of my heart is to sing and proclaim Christ's love to the world. Why would God place this desire on my heart and then turn His back on me? In anger, I closed the door to my prayer room, put the Bible away and told God to forget this ministry.

Like Moses, I was in the wilderness, a baron place where my soul began to die slowly, feeling the separa-tion from God. Everything seemed dark, empty and I had no purpose in my life. I cried out to God to please help me find my way back. I opened the door to my prayer room and began to journal. The Holy Spirit had me draw a picture of a divided heart and on one side I wrote "God loves Lorraine," and on the other side I wrote "Lorraine loves music." Tears began to well up in my eyes and I seemed to hear an inner voice saying, "Lorraine, if you never sing another song, will you still love me"?

My heart ached. I didn't realize I was loving music more than God; my heart was not completely His. I continued to pray, "Lord please forgive me; show me any other loves in my life that I might be hanging onto." It's a lesson I'm reminded of often as I am serving with all my heart, soul and mind. Are their any loves in your life causing your heart to be divided?

July scripture study: 
James 1:7 
A person with a divided heart has a divided mind and according to James.."The person with a double mind should not dream of having anything from God for that person is unstable in all his ways."

Lorraine's upcoming events: 
Summer! Time for friends and family "Other things may change us, but we start and end with family." ~ Anthony Brandt